The Solitude of Christ
“We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and private: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory
LONELINESS and isolation are no joke. Loneliness actually increases the risk of premature mortality among all ages. One recent study indicates that social isolation and loneliness lead to more people dying than obesity. Isolation has been linked to several dysfunctional immune responses and high blood pressure that have an impact on our overall well-being. In fact, researchers have found that lonely people produce more inflammation-related proteins in response to stress than more social people. The reactions of these inflammation-related proteins can be associated with numerous disease states such as coronary heart disease, type-2 diabetes, arthritis and Alzheimer’s.
On the emotional side, every human being needs meaningful relationships within which they can develop an identity, and each one can flourish in life. The absence of these relationships can often lead to suicide. We need to take loneliness very seriously if someone takes their own life every 40 seconds.[1]
Jesus Understands Loneliness
Jesus knows the pain of rejection all too well. As Isaiah 53:3 says, “He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.” How profoundly alone Jesus must have felt, living a sinless life in a world consumed by sin (Heb. 4:15). Imagine the weight of that loneliness—righteousness embodied, surrounded by constant unrighteousness. As 2 Peter 2:8 describes, witnessing the daily atrocities and sins of those around Him must have been like torment to His pure and compassionate heart. Yet, through it all, He remained steadfast, carrying the burden of isolation for the sake of our redemption.
Despite growing up in a small, tight-knit town of fewer than 300 people, surrounded by the simple life of farming and carpentry, Jesus did not choose any of His family members to be among His twelve disciples. Matthew 13:55-56 captures the familiarity of His upbringing: “Is this not the carpenter’s son? Is not His mother called Mary? And His brothers James, Joses, Simon, and Judas? And His sisters, are they not all with us? Where then did this Man get all these things?”
This passage paints a vivid picture of Jesus’ early life—a life grounded in a normal family, one with brothers and sisters, chores, and the daily rhythms of small-town living. Yet, what stands out is the absence of any of His family, particularly His siblings, among His early followers. James and Judas (also known as Jude) would later rise to prominence in the church, James becoming the leader of the Jerusalem church and Judas the author of the epistle bearing his name. However, at the time of Jesus’ ministry, neither they nor His other brothers and sisters followed Him closely, and His sisters were never mentioned by name.
This silence around His sisters is curious. Were they distant from His mission, or perhaps their roles were less public? Culturally, it might reflect the common omission of women from historical records, but it raises deeper questions about the complexities of Jesus’ own family dynamics. While they may have initially struggled with His calling, as John 7:5 notes, “even His brothers did not believe in Him,”
Gifted children often feel isolated because their intellectual or creative abilities can alienate them from their peers. His sinlessness, divine wisdom, and extraordinary understanding of God’s purposes set Him apart. Gifted children often feel the weight of expectation, either from themselves or from others who recognize their talent. This can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of loneliness or a lack of belonging. For Jesus, this weight was infinitely heavier. From a young age, He was aware of His divine mission. At twelve, He was already in the temple, confounding the teachers with His understanding (Luke 2:46-49). Yet, He returned home and lived in obscurity for many years, knowing the profound purpose ahead of Him.
This is why Jesus could affirm the sobering reality with first-hand experience: “a prophet is not recognized among his own people” (Mark 6:4). This phrase reveals something of the inner battle He must have experienced growing up. Children who excel are often bullied by others who perform poorly!
Jesus must have frequently felt like an outsider. Rumours likely circulated that He was the illegitimate child of Joseph and Mary, giving bullies plenty of ammunition for mockery. His early years in Egypt—away from His people—would have further marked Him as a stranger, someone not fully accepted or “one of us”. Throughout His life, Jesus had no one with whom He could truly identify, no one who could fully understand His divine mission or the weight He carried. The combination of His mysterious origins and His sinless, divine nature meant He bore an unimaginable loneliness that few, if any, could comprehend.
A Story of Friendship: Lazarus
At this time of Jesus’ ministry, it was dangerous for Him to be in Jerusalem. He was almost stoned a few days earlier and the Jews wanted to arrest him (John 11:8; 10:31, 39). The family knew this, so they told Him, “The one you love is very sick.” Their words show their respect, faith in Jesus, and boldness towards Him – He is their friend. They had often helped Him, and He would help them, too.
But as usual, the disciples were more focused on themselves than the Lord. They did not understand Jesus’ words and came to the wrong conclusions. Jesus had to explain immediately what He meant when He first said Lazarus was “sleeping” because they did not understand. Thomas’ words that they will die with Lazarus indicate his usual pessimism. Thomas the doubter worries about his own life (John 14:5; 20:24-29).
Jesus knew Lazarus was dead, yet He chose not to go immediately. This delay wasn’t neglect but a divine strategy for God’s glory. Jesus even said He was glad He didn’t arrive earlier, as it would allow the Father to glorify the Son more profoundly. Friendship is often a powerful force, leverage, creating an invisible bond that compels us to act—sometimes even when we don’t want to. People often respond to the needs of friends out of loyalty and emotion. However, Jesus offered His friendship and love; He did not allow Himself to be constrained by human friendship expectations. His delay must have been a bitter pill for Martha and Mary, whose understanding of friendship involved immediate action. From a human perspective, Jesus’ delay seemed like poor communication or a failure to respond to their urgent need. As one would expect, Jesus was not focused on human timelines; His priority was always the will of the Father. His social well-being was rooted in something greater than the reciprocal tit-for-tat, you-owe-me bond of friendship. He was nourished by obedience to God’s will, as seen in His statement, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about” (John 4:32, 34; cf. Matt. 4:4). Jesus was operating on a divine timetable, one designed to reveal God’s greater purposes, even when it conflicted with human expectations.
Jesus, as the Son of God, didn’t need anyone’s help—not even from friends. Yet, He chose to invite people into friendship with Him, extending a radical invitation to be part of His mission. Unlike other extraordinary leaders—whether it be figures like Mohammed, Gandhi, Elvis, or Queen—whose fame often isolated them from genuine relationships, Jesus intentionally cultivated close friendships. Many leaders, surrounded by power, fame, and adoration, find it difficult to maintain sincere connections, as people often approach them with ulterior motives. However, Jesus, despite His divine status, offered true friendship and partnership, showing that even in His greatness, He valued personal connection and community in a way that transcended the self-centred nature of fame. While others struggled to maintain authentic bonds, Jesus’ friendships were not transactional but transformational—rooted in love, sincerity, and shared purpose.
That is the essence of the Great Commission: “Go therefore and make disciples (friends) of all nations.” Jesus calls us to a radical form of friendship—not one based on common interests, shared values, or mutual benefit. We are not to choose friends simply because we agree on everything or because they’ve done something for us. Loving those who love us is easy, but Jesus calls us to something far deeper. He sends us to love even our enemies (Matt. 5:44-48), to extend friendship to those who may offer nothing in return. This kind of love—selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional—is what transforms relationships and breaks down the barriers that divide us. It reflects the very heart of God, who loved us first, even when we had nothing to offer Him (1 John 4:19).
They had a clear and unwavering expectation that Jesus would heal His friend. Both Martha and Mary express this gently reproachful sentiment: “If you had been here, Lazarus would not have died” (John 11:21, 32). Their words reveal their faith in His power but also their disappointment at His absence. Even the mourners and onlookers join in the quiet rebuke, saying, “Could not He who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” (John 11:37). Their questions reflect the shared belief that Jesus could have prevented this tragedy, yet they struggle to understand His delay.
Faith Instead of Offence
Martha and Mary is, however, a wonderful example for us of genuine love and devotion to Jesus. Despite their grief and disappointment, Martha and Mary do not take offence at Jesus’ delay. Instead, they reaffirm their faith in Him. Martha declares, “I believe…” (John 11:27), expressing deep trust in Jesus’ identity and mission:
- Mary acknowledges Him as the chosen Anointed One (Messiah or Christ) (cf. John 1:20, 41),
- He is the Son of God (cf. John 1:34, 39; 10:36),
- The Prophet sent into the world (cf. John 3:31) to reveal God to humanity.
This powerful confession from Martha is one of the most significant testimonies of Christ’s true nature, acknowledging His divine authority and purpose even in the face of death and sorrow.
Offence: destroys the flow and connection between people.
Do not be offended by the Lord because you think He is too late (Isa. 55:8-9).
There is a deeper, more profound truth in this passage of Scripture that is worth our careful investigation: Why did Jesus weep? It couldn’t be that He was mourning Lazarus’ death—He knew He was about to raise him. Instead, Jesus’ tears reveal a deeper pain: the sorrow of His friends not fully understanding or sharing in His burden (John 11:38). Though He had told them multiple times about His impending death, they did not grasp the gravity of His mission. In this moment, as He stands at Lazarus’ tomb, Jesus not only contemplates the death of His friend but also reflects on the greater burden of sin He will soon bear on behalf of humanity. His tears may reflect the weight of knowing that, despite His love and proximity, many still do not fully see or understand the redemption He is about to accomplish.
“Then Jesus, again groaning in Himself, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it” (John 11:38). His groaning signals a deep emotional and spiritual anguish, not merely over Lazarus, but over the brokenness of the world and the burden of sin He was destined to carry.
- The Greek word “groaning”, embrimaomai (em-brim-ah-om-ahee);
- Strong’s # 1690: Derived from en, “in”, and brime, “strength”.
- The word is used to express anger (Mar. 14: 5), to indicate speaking or acting with deep feeling (John 11:33, 38), and for stern admonishment (Matt. 9:30; Mar. 1:43 ); to roar, storm with anger; to be enraged, indignant, to express indignation against someone.
Since Christ could hardly have felt anger towards Mary and the mourning friends, it is probable that His deep emotion was due to Him inwardly protesting the people’s indifference, ignorance, blindness, and thoughtlessness. Furthermore, He also realized His own future death… that He will be innocently wrongfully crucified naked on a cross.
Jesus Friends Did not “See” Him
The deepest sorrow in any friendship is when your friend fails to truly “see” you—when your partner does not understand your heart, your suffering, or the burdens you carry. This lack of recognition is often the most painful breach in a relationship, and it can slowly erode the bond, eventually leading to its collapse. Yet, in contrast to our human failings, Jesus’ love transcends our shortcomings. Even when we fail to see Him or understand His heart, He still offers His life for us and extends His forgiveness. His love endures beyond our transgressions, proving that His commitment to us is greater than any offence we might cause.
Finally, Lazarus is brought back to life, not with fanfare or dramatic display, but with a simple command (John 11:44). With just His word, life is restored to Lazarus. There is no grand ceremony, no public spectacle—just the quiet power of the Son of God. Remarkably, Jesus doesn’t even stay for dinner afterwards, once again defying the typical expectations of earthly friendship. Instead, He focuses solely on His mission, instructing that Lazarus be unbound and freed so he can return home. Jesus’ actions reveal that His love operates beyond human norms, always centred on fulfilling the Father’s will, and not on receiving recognition or maintaining social conventions.
The very people for whom Jesus gave His life did not receive Him. Yet, there was one woman who truly “saw” Him—Mary, who anointed His feet with costly perfume (John 12:1-8; cf. Matt. 26:6; Mark 14:3). It’s possible that during Lazarus’ resurrection, she gazed into Jesus’ eyes and saw something deeper—she understood what others did not. Mary seemed to grasp that Jesus was about to give His life for all humanity. While others remained blind to the burden He carried, Mary’s act of devotion revealed her insight into His impending sacrifice. Jesus, facing the weight of His suffering, bore it alone, but through faith, we are invited to receive this gift of righteousness and enter into a special relationship with the Father.
Jesus’ loneliness reached its ultimate depth at the moment He became sin for us. As Scripture says, “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Cor. 5:21). It was at this moment, on the cross, that Jesus experienced the profound agony of being “forsaken” by His Father. In His darkest hour, He cried out, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” which means, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Matt. 27:46). This cry captures the unimaginable isolation Jesus endured, bearing the weight of the world’s sin, separated from the Father’s presence—isolation far beyond anything we can comprehend, but one He bore so that we could be reconciled to God.
God’s Salvation Plan for Loneliness
With the cross He carried, Jesus also bore the full weight of our rejection and the loneliness that sin creates, separating us from God. He did this so that He might live within us, enabling us to approach His throne of grace with confidence. As Hebrews 4:15-16 reminds us, “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Jesus’ solitude was not driven by self-pity, bitterness, or frustration with humanity. Though He often engaged with others, He also valued being alone knowing it was essential for communion with His Father. “And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there” (Matt. 14:23). “Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed” (Mark 1:35). In these moments of solitude, He was never truly alone, for He was always one with the Father.
For Jesus, loneliness was not something to be feared or avoided—it was a space where He drew strength from His relationship with God. As the psalmist writes, “Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me. But those who seek my life, to destroy it, shall go into the lower parts of the earth” (Ps. 63:7-9). His solitude was not a form of alienation of the mind; or retaliation of abandonment and distance separated from people who may hurt you – It was a rich communion and oneness with the Father, providing Him with the strength to endure and fulfil His mission.
Solitude: being alone, being set aside:
- Health – physical harmony
- Happiness – moral harmony
- Holiness – spiritual harmony
What You Need To Know About Loneliness
Many of us sometimes experience loneliness, even those who appear surrounded by friends and popularity. Why is this? Loneliness isn’t determined by the number of people around us but by the depth and authenticity of our relationships. A person who seems popular might constantly be in the company of others yet still feel isolated if they lack genuine connections. True friendship is not about quantity but quality.
“To love and be loved in return” is one of humanity’s most fundamental needs. Truly knowing someone and being known in return is the foundation of deep, meaningful relationships. At the heart of this longing is the question we all carry: “Who really cares for me?” Who is taking the time to look deeper, listen more attentively, and see our deepest hidden need or insecurity? Who knows us best?
This dynamic is poignantly depicted in the film about Freddie Mercury’s life, which lays bare his struggles with loneliness. Despite his fame and constant surrounded by people, his search for authentic, intimate relationships and the mistakes he made with those closest to him reveal just how critical true connection is for our emotional well-being.
From Bohemian Rhapsody:
Jim Hutton: So, all your friends have left you alone.
Freddie Mercury: They’re not my friends. Not really. Just distraction.
Jim Hutton: From what?
Freddie Mercury: The in-between moments, I suppose. I find them intolerable. All of the darkness you thought you left behind comes creeping back in.
Loneliness can make you vulnerable: It can cause you to accept anyone as a friend. If you are lonely, you may be desperate for attention. You may start to think that any attention is better than no attention at all. And this can lead to problems. Technology and social media are not always the answer to loneliness. One can send or receive numerous text messages and emails to hundreds of people daily and still feel terribly lonely. Texting, Whatsapp, and Facebook are like snacks, but talking to someone face-to-face is like eating a meal. You cannot live on snacks.
What You Can Do When Feeling Lonely
1. Don’t Assume the Worst
For example, imagine you see pictures of your friends at a party you weren’t invited to. In that moment, you have a choice. You can assume they excluded you on purpose, or you can choose a more positive perspective. It’s important not to jump to conclusions when you don’t know all the facts. Instead, focus on the good things in life, such as the blessings you do have. Often, it’s not the situation itself that causes feelings of loneliness, but your interpretation of it. “All the days of the afflicted are evil, but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast.” (Prov. 15:15).
Train yourself to keep your thoughts positive, even in uncertain situations, like when you don’t know where your partner is or why they are late. Choose to see Jesus in them. This mindset, of trusting Jesus in one another, cultivates faith and surrender. It frees you from trying to control situations, recognizing that you cannot change hearts—only the Holy Spirit can convict and bring true repentance (2 Cor. 7:9). Instead of imagining the worst, envision solutions, breakthroughs, and provision, even in the smallest circumstances.
2. Avoid Generalizations
When feeling lonely, it’s easy to think, “I’m never invited to anything”, or, “People always avoid me!” These broad generalizations only deepen your feelings of isolation.
This thinking creates a harmful cycle:
- You feel excluded, so you withdraw.
- Your isolation makes you feel lonelier, reinforcing your sense of exclusion.
- “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire.” (Prov. 18:1).
Instead, choose to believe the best about others. Continue to trust, even when circumstances seem unfavorable. Your outlook should be one of quiet confidence in God, knowing that He is working all things for good (Rom. 8:28). Over time, this perspective becomes ingrained, allowing you to see positives in every situation (Ps. 66:12). Those with an optimistic, innovative mindset tend to recognize these blessings more quickly.
3. Choose Older Friends
David was likely a teenager when he befriended Jonathan, who was about 30 years older than him. Despite their age gap, they became close friends (1 Sam. 18:1). Like David, you can form meaningful friendships with people older than you, benefiting from their wisdom and stability. “Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.” (Job 12:12).
Consider other biblical examples of intergenerational friendships, such as Ruth and Naomi, or Timothy and Paul (Ruth 1:16-17; 1 Cor. 4:17). Remember, conversations are two-sided—you don’t have to carry the burden of talking the whole time. People appreciate good listeners, so if you’re shy, focus on being attentive and present in the conversation.
4. Get Comfortable With Your Own Company
Some people feel lonely the moment they are alone, but solitude doesn’t have to be synonymous with loneliness. Jesus, although social, understood the importance of being alone in prayer with the Father. Likewise, being alone can be an opportunity to reflect on your blessings. Learning to appreciate your own company will enhance the time you spend with others. “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” (Prov. 13:20).
When you develop a close relationship with Jesus, solitude becomes a time of spiritual connection:
- You no longer feel separate but believe you are part of the greater body of Christ. “Well accepted in the beloved.” (Eph 1:6).
- Your focus shifts from “I” to “us,” recognizing your place in the community of believers.
- You learn to harmonize with those around you, living in rhythm with the people God has placed in your life. Our lives are no single strain but a tapestry closely interwoven in harmony.
You choose to involve others in your life rather than depend on them for fulfillment. You live in the present, valuing every relationship and encounter as an opportunity for deeper connection and growth.
5. Focus on Your Strengths
Though you may not be trained in everything, you have unique strengths to offer. Recognizing these gifts will boost your confidence and combat feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. As Paul said, “Even though I am unskilled in speaking, I am not so in knowledge; indeed, in every way we have made this plain to you in all things.” (2 Cor. 11:6)
Ask yourself, “What are my strengths?” Acknowledge your talents and positive qualities, and embrace yourself despite your shortcomings. You no longer compare yourself to others but are confident in who you are. You understand your calling and show grace toward your weaknesses, knowing that the Lord continually shapes and reforms you. With this awareness, you become more courageous in being yourself. You develop routines to support areas where you need growth and take responsibility for your own well-being.
Focusing on your strengths and nurturing your relationship with Christ will give you greater confidence, stronger connections, and a deeper sense of fulfilment, whether alone or surrounded by others.
6. Show Genuine Interest in Others
Start by showing interest in a few people around you. Building meaningful connections often begins with simple acts of curiosity—asking someone how they are doing or inquiring about their work. A great conversation starter is, “Tell me your story”. You’ll be surprised by how much people are willing to open up when they feel someone genuinely wants to listen. By asking thoughtful questions, you can learn about others’ experiences and gain insight into different professions, skills, or perspectives. Asking questions is the first step toward new discoveries and deeper relationships.
a. Cultivate Compassion
“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble” (1 Pet. 3:8). Even if you don’t agree with someone’s viewpoint, patiently listen and try to understand their perspective. Focus on the areas where you do agree. If you need to express disagreement, do so gently and tactfully. Compassion involves feeling someone’s pain and doing something practical to help. By serving, helping, and supporting others, you’ll find that your own feelings of loneliness diminish.
b. Speak to Others the Way You Want to Be Spoken To
If you argue unnecessarily, tease, insult, or condemn others with a self-righteous attitude, you’ll only push people away. Instead, focus on speaking in a way that is pleasant and kind. People will be drawn to you if your “speech is always with grace, seasoned with salt” (Col. 4:6). Let your words uplift and encourage, and you’ll foster more meaningful and loving relationships.
c. Seek Out Meaningful Conversations
Engage in deeper dialogues through environments like home churches, Bible studies, small groups, or book clubs. These spaces offer thoughtful discussion and connection opportunities, allowing you to build relationships grounded in shared values and mutual growth.
d. Spend Time Outdoors
The outdoors and contact with nature are natural mood boosters. Even something as simple as walking barefoot on the earth connects you to the present moment. Whether you feel the warmth of the sand beneath your feet or the cool breeze on your face, nature invites you to be more aware of the “now”. This grounding experience can improve your overall sense of well-being.
e. Practice Kindness—Smile
Humans are among the few mammals who smile as a sign of kindness, and it’s a powerful gesture. Smiling just seven times a day can significantly improve your mood and health. Studies show that even those suffering from depression can benefit from the simple act of smiling. A smile is more contagious than any illness and carries no side effects. It’s a small act of kindness that can brighten someone’s day, including your own.
Singleness Versus Loneliness
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Cor. 13: 4-7)
How Do I Embrace Being Alone?
Everyone experiences moments of being alone at some point in their lives. In fact, you can feel alone even while surrounded by others! Understanding whether you draw your strength and energy from social interactions or solitude is key. The first step is to know yourself.
Find Contentment in Yourself
Learn to be at peace with who you are—content with your relationship with God, your Creator, and at peace with yourself and others. True contentment comes from within, not from the presence of others. When you are grounded in that peace, solitude becomes a time of rest, not loneliness.
Engage in Activities You Love
Make your alone time enjoyable by doing things you love: write, read, walk, ride a bike! These moments of solitude can be used for reflection, creativity, and bringing order to your thoughts, emotions, and even your physical environment. Alone time is an opportunity to nurture both your inner world and your outer life.
Make Time for Solitude
Alone time should be intentional. Plan regular moments of solitude to recharge and refresh. Solitude isn’t something to fear—it’s a time to connect with yourself, reflect, and rejuvenate. Being at home in your own company is essential for emotional balance.
Understand That Trauma Can Impact Solitude
In times of trauma or deep emotional pain, it can be difficult to be alone, and that’s perfectly normal. During these times, seek comfort from others. However, this need for constant company is often temporary. As you heal, you will once again find value in moments of solitude. Embracing alone time becomes easier when you are whole and at peace with yourself.
Causes of Loneliness in Marriage:
So many people experience loneliness in marriage!
- Personal Ambitions
When one partner is consumed by personal ambition, the other may feel sidelined, neglected, or always coming in second place. Over time, this lack of attention can lead to feelings of exclusion and loneliness. - Unmet Needs and Core Values
When your personal needs or core values are no longer being fulfilled by your partner, it can feel like you’re fighting your own battles alone, contributing to a deep sense of isolation. - Emotional Disconnect
A lack of emotional connection can make you feel as though you and your partner are drifting apart, even when you’re physically together. This emotional distance creates a painful loneliness within the relationship. - Feeling Unheard or Misunderstood
When communication breaks down and you feel that your partner neither hears nor understands you, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and profound loneliness. - Physical Absence Due to Work
A partner who is frequently away due to work commitments can leave you feeling physically alone, contributing to an ongoing sense of loneliness. - Spiritual Mismatch
If you and your partner attend different churches or don’t share the same spiritual values, it can create a rift that makes you feel isolated in your faith and spiritually disconnected. - Lack of Shared Interests
When you and your partner no longer share interests or hobbies, it can lead to spending your downtime separately, further increasing the sense of distance and loneliness. - Divergent Backgrounds and Values
Differences in educational backgrounds or core values can lead to frequent disagreements, causing one partner to withdraw to avoid conflict. This emotional withdrawal fosters feelings of being alone. - Sexual Disconnect
A lack of regular intimacy, or superficial, disconnected sex, can heighten feelings of loneliness, as the emotional and physical bond that once brought you closer begins to diminish. - Different Social Circles
If you feel uncomfortable with your partner’s friends or family and believe your partner discusses you with them, it can deepen feelings of exclusion and mistrust, leading to further emotional distance. - Feeling Excluded from Decision-Making
A partner with a dominant, self-justifying personality may exclude you from decisions, making you feel as though your opinions and input don’t matter. This can lead to a sense of isolation and feeling like you’re not a true partner in the relationship. - Over-Prioritization of Children
When one partner consistently prioritizes the children over the marriage, it can leave the other feeling neglected, undervalued, and as if their role in the family is merely financial support. - Emotional Wounds and Misinterpretations
Feeling wronged or hurt by something said in an argument can make you mistakenly believe your partner no longer loves you. This can lead to constantly seeking signs that confirm your negative feelings, further damaging the relationship and increasing loneliness. - Constant Criticism
Persistent criticism, correction, or expressions of unhappiness can make you feel like nothing you do is enough. Feeling unaccepted or criticized leads to emotional withdrawal and loneliness. - Lack of Love
When one party doesn’t feel loved, emotional isolation is inevitable. Love is the foundation of connection, and without it, loneliness takes root. - Moralizing Communication
When one partner consistently moralizes, preaches, or speaks condescendingly, it creates a sense of inadequacy in the other. This form of communication alienates and fosters loneliness. - Failure to Navigate the Power Struggle Phase
Couples who have not successfully grown through the power struggle phase of marriage often fail to accept each other’s differences. As a result, they begin to lead separate lives, both emotionally and physically, leaving little in common and creating loneliness that is sometimes addressed outside of the marriage. - Withholding Financial or Emotional Struggles
When one partner tries to protect the other by withholding stressful financial or personal burdens, it can create emotional distance. High levels of stress or depression can also lead to greater isolation between partners. - Mental Withdrawal
As conflict escalates or dissatisfaction grows, one or both partners may begin to withdraw mentally and emotionally. This alienation of the mind often leads to physical withdrawal as well, marking the beginning stages of divorce and inevitable loneliness. - Lack of Shared Joy
When laughter and fun disappear from the relationship, and you no longer do enjoyable activities together, the marriage loses its sense of companionship, leaving both partners feeling isolated and lonely.
By understanding and addressing these causes of loneliness in marriage, couples can begin the work of healing and reconnecting before the distance becomes too great.
[1] https://www.jw.org/af/publikasies/tydskrifte/g201504/doen-oor-eensaamheid/
